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Fatherhood: I Wanted A Son But We Had A Daughter And I am Forever A Better Man

October 27, 2017

DEEPLY ROOTED CULTURAL BELIEFS

Growing up, as person of Indian decent it is ingrained in you that when it comes to having a child having a boy is better than having a girl.  The context for this line of reasoning is purely archaic and comes from long established religious and cultural practices in India.  Where having a daughter is considered to be a burden in low income segments of the population, specifically when young girls come of age and are to marry.  Parents of daughters are then confronted with a slew of financial implications like: paying for a wedding, and potentially depending on cultural practices having to provide a Dowry to the groom’s family.  This “financial burden” is what drives Indian culture to promote having male children over female children.

 

LINEAGE

For me personally growing up as an Indian male, this argument was always presented to me.  However, I had more selfish reasons for wanting a son, in that, I wanted the lineage of my family line to continue throughout future generations.  Selfish, I know, but most men at some point in their life have that thought process I believe.  What I never imagined is how fulfilling and rewarding my life would be when we actually had our beautiful daughter.

 

FINDING OUT WE WERE HAVING A GIRL​​

 

I remember the day my wife and I were at the doctor’s office waiting to find out the sex of our child.  Like most first time parents we sat there nervous, excited, anxious, and eager all at the same time.  As the ultrasound was being conducted, my wife and I were super quiet trying to take in all the information, watching the monitor to see if there were any clues…  Clearly outside of hearing the heartbeat and seeing our child’s head we really couldn’t make anything out.  As we sat in expectation, our doctor asked us if we wanted to know the sex of our child, and we both looked at each other and said yes…!

 

OLD WIVES TALES

Now before I continue, I want to make sure I set the proper context up.  Prior to arranging our doctor’s appointment to determine the sex of our child, we had heard several different old wives tales. People told us because my wife was carrying the child low in her belly we were having a boy.  People told us because my wife hadn’t gained that much weight we were having a boy.  People told us because my wife’s complexion looked great we were having a boy, and because she didn’t have that morning sickness we were having a boy.  Whatever  the old wives tale was/is, all indications pointed to us having a boy and we just needed confirmation via the ultrasound.

 

So as the words came out of the Doctor’s mouth, and she said, “congratulations, you are going to have a beautiful healthy baby girl”, I was surprised and ecstatic.  At that moment, I didn’t care anymore about having a son.  I was thrilled that we were having a daughter; I was thrilled our child was healthy.  In a matter of seconds as I processed the information, I was thinking about how close my daughter and I would be, the special bond I would have with my daughter that I may not have with my son.  I kept think of the saying Mama’s boy and Daddy’s girl…I was already thinking about tea parties and dress up.  I was already thinking about the bond we would develop.  In that moment after the doctor spoke, I was in love with my daughter and what I was seeing on the ultrasound machine.  In that moment any selfish reasons I had about having or wanting a son vanished.  In that moment, everything I had been taught or learned no longer seemed relevant or important.

 

HAVING A DAUGHTER HAS COMPLETED ME​